[results for sem 1]

went to school to get feedbacks and retrieval projects...
well done, i got all of it.. and that means no more holidays for me
time to work hard - i hope i do
fuck the retrieval projects. i want my holidays back!! Rarhhhh

[random Johor trip]

i found 40+RM in my drawer
so i decide to go m'sia to check the skateboard price, shop and buy cigs and pirated stuffs.
i'm suppose to meet jason at 1pm. i recieved call from him at 12 plus
i saw 2 missed calls and a msg from him. and he keep saying about my busted system again.
i postpone it to 2 pm cos it was still raining and i estimate that we will reach m'sia by 3pm which is just nice.
after we've passed the custom jason straight away go for the dvd shop but my stomach is growling so i tell him let's go to city square to eat first. haha... we went to kenny rogers then again i can't finish the food.
after lunch we shop around and i don't like to shop there cos there is nth much.
the only thing i will buy there were pirated dvds, PS2 games and studs. and food. other than that, nth. the clothes sucks.
i was really bored, so we went to the arcard. we played daytona, marvel vs capcom, time crisis 3 and the drum game. after that i blame jason for spending the whole day in the arcard. hahaha..

after that, we went to drink iced-milo, smoke and chill-out at the same time, rest our legs till 7 plus we have to get going. but before that i have to buy dvds, ps2 games and cigs and that is a must when i go to m'sia.

things i bought: 2 lip studs, 1 dvd- superbad and 4 games- DDR supernova 2, CSI 3-dimension of murderer, SPYRO the eternal night and Tony hawk's proving ground. very tempted to get more and more but i can't buy anymore.. 5 is the max i can buy in to s'pore. hah/
we reached s'pore at 10 pm. we went to amk cheers to get sth to eat. i'd 2 summer house donut and 1 packet of milo.
so we decided to have our 'dinner' at our fav playground. we always chit-chat and eat there.
i enjoy sharing the topic he brought about. i keep complaining and he listen and laugh.
i really can't stand that person i wanna kill him... you know who.

after that hariz called and we went to his house for supper , watch movie and play ps2 until abt 3am i wanted to leave and i don't wan hariz to send me house cos he got sch in the morning. so before i leave i borrow dvds from him to go home watch cos i got nth to do everyday. we walk to jason house and watch the eye 10. his bro have watched that movie before so when there is a scary part he will say 'oh this part quite scary' haha. it's gd so i can get prepared. the show is lame tho but i still cover my face with the pillow. haha...
until rise and sun i went for my first bus home.

i love the iced-milo in m'sia because it's freaking swweeeet!

1st shot by Jason


got irritated by him by so many 'clicks'



guess who.. this is my evidence har har har!

[how i faint]

today i woke up early, i've planned my day and ready for the day.
but as i was bathing i get very giddy, blur vision and breathing difficulty.
i know i'm gonna faint but i was still conditioning my hair.
i don't wanna faint naked in the toilet, i have no time to wash away the conditioner and dry up. i wear my clothes immediately and walk quickly back to my room. all these reaction time before i faint was less than 1 min. my hair was very wet and my clothes and pants were all wet! when i reach my room, i black-out straight away.
when i'm finally conscoius, it's at night already.. nobody knows i've fainted they thought i'm SLEEPING!!
i guess if i lay on my bed for fucking 2 days. they won't notice me too. cos it was a common thing. i sleep a lot. hahaha.
when i open my eyes, i saw my bro playing my com beside me. i told him i fainted and described to him how did it happened. after that i ask him : is there any food for me? hahaha.. and i noticed my hair and clothes have dried up.

there are a few causes of my faint which is..
low blood pressure- due to stress
dehydration- i didn't drink water for many many days
low oxygen in brain- standing up suddenly after laying in bed for and play computer for too long

btw, this is not the first time i have fainted and it occurs more and more often.
tt's all for today....

[darkside]

review week was finally over.... i have long for this day so that i can play like hell and had lotsa plans during the holidays. but when it comes, i suddenly don't have any mood to do anything at all. because i did badly , i didn't finish everything for the review and i just hand in last min work. i have been staying at home and refuse to go out anywhere. that also make me collect a lot of overdue books and dvds. when i'm under pressure or feeling depressed, i'll hide myself at home everyday and does not wanna talk to anyone. i think i'm sick. i think i'm having depression becos i have thoughts of committing suicide and self-loathing, withdrawal from friends and family, lost of interests in the activity i would enjoy,lack of enthusiasm and motivation and feeling worthless. i think.. the cause of my poor attendance is due to depression. my lecturers all ask me what happen and what is the problem but i am not open to say that i am having depression. i have been acting i am perfectly fine for a very long period of time.
i am very sad
that i have a not very understanding parents.
i seldom talk to them because i know they won't help me and they will just make me feel worse.
one day, when i can't take it anymore that i really need their help cos i don't want this is continue and i wanna do something, make a change and help myself.
but what i get back is disappointment.
why is she so selfish/
all these days..
i might seems ok
all the days,
i'm hiding.

today is my worse stage.
i hope i can recover real soon.
so that i could continue to go gym, my pracs and meet my friends.esp tomato, pencil and jason.

[i can't wait for a long vacation]

me and wherewhere xoxo

Ice cream after a heavy meal rocks!


first of all, i wanna say..
i am sorry jason. you get what i mean. haha.

i have 1 day left to finish up all my work for review.
i am very stress and tired when i think of the no. of work that i have not done.
and because of this, i can't go out, can't party, can't workout, worse of all i can't go for my motor pracs!

i feel so unfit. so i tried to do sit ups. i did about 4 then i walk to my kitchen and find food.

talking about food, pencil called me yesterday telling me she is very hungry and have no money to eat!
but she didn't get my respond. cos i was sleeping like a dead log in a sunny afternoon. hahaha!
when i'm awake, i ask her if shes still alive and i went to transfer money to her.
-sorry...... hahaha! that i kept laughing the whole day cos i can't help it when i'm imagine how she react when she is hungry and penniless to buy food and can't get me! hahahaha!!!! and i wonder what is the expression of her face when she is very very hungry... hahaha............

i'm left with 17 drawings and final self project.. out of time....
i'm so stress.
so i sprint from my kitchen to hall.
PS: you can try this if you are stress. SPRINT! at home...........

urgh! i can't wait for holidays... i want to dive! dive! eat! and dive!

[no more turning back]

alright, i'm finally sick and sick at the wrong time.
sick can make me quit smoking. i haven't been smoking for 5 days straight.
i get sick when i have few more days to review week.
i am so helpless. i'm having high fever and i can't do work at all.
today is my last chance to do printmaking, but i can;t go due to fever.
omg. this week is really fucked up.
i hAve work this friday and review is next week. stress lvl is so high.
i know i shouldn't be working at this time. but i don't know how to tell them.
they will tot i busted them. cos i already postpone it for 2 weeks.
should i quit or postpone it? i can't decide.
i really hope at least they let me go to sem 2.
if not, then i just slack throughout my life. i already planned for the worse.
essay is down, ,my fren help me finished. 3d i'm gonna use last yr's work, 2d done left self. drawing alot i hate drawings cos it is the most time consuming. that is the best i can do. it's too late to turn back!
i hope my life can turn back to normal asap. pleease...

[typical sunday]

Today was a typical sunday.
i do stuff like vacuuming the house, walk the dog, check mails and eat out with my family.
when i was slacking at hm i recieved the call from pencil. she was screaming and keep asking me why i arrange the gym locker in tt weird way.
when i left the gym yesterday i tot it was neater and i feel better. but i didnt know that it has caused her huge discomfort. whahahaha! i keep laughing when she say her trainers became FLAT because i squeeze it in a shoe box that is obviously can see that it doesnt fit at all. so after 1 day when she open up, it's flatten nicely. LMAO!
i don't know why i did that. but it certainly makes me feel better! wahahaha....
and i also place some small items randomly outside the container. those are the redundant items . i dunno why i like to categorise and eliminate things. esp pencil's bags. so many extra and redundant bags she put in the locker. i can't stand it everytime i see it. when i see it , i wanna eliminate it right away! so irritating can!. hahaha.. maybe it's a habit. which let them found out today. and it makes me shy cos they found out my weird behaviour. i must be more careful and not let them notice anything else.

after that i bring my dogs down for a walk. no it's more like... my dog walk me. she is too strong and keep pulling me forward and forward... faster and faster...... hahaha! until i get exhuasted the 'walk the me' i went back home and bathe and go out for dinner.From the moment i left the house to the distination, i quarreled with my mom about how she had made me in difficult situations and that the way she do things is very not logical, unsensible and dumb and that make me suffer a lot. while i'm debating with her i cried. i haven't been trying for so long. hahaha! finally my tears have the chance to drop. hah!! i am very sad and too disappointed with her. why is she so dumb and think logically. i told her my problems and since i think she doesn't know how to do i told her how things should be. but she is not flexible at all! omg at that moment i really feel like cutting and slashing myself. (so emo i knw) i'm normally not like that. but this case made me insane. that if anyone walk pass and knock me i will punch that person. like my fist got flames... hahaha... i really hate her. i hate all dumb ppl.
so i tell her i wanna quit school. i have the urge to do so.she made me wanna give up and hang myself!

when i sat down and had our dinner i began to cool down a little. we had pepper lunch , straight after that i went to buy 2 egg tarts and 2 donuts. den we went to shop for awhile and i feel hungry den we went to hk restuarant to eat toasted bread ice cream and drink. after all, i'm still hungry! my biggest sin is gluttony! i just can't resist not eating nice food... urghhh!!!!!
why why why why....................?
why tomato and pencil can
and i cant!
ok tt's it, my diet starts tmr.. hahaha
tis is maybe the 100 times i have been saying

pls go away devil. stop tempting me with all those nice and delicious food and make me fat and make my face rounder make my tummy bigger...
and let me eat those tasteless, nasty and healthy food so i will be slender!

[Yes! i'm not stuck anymore......!]

[RTT]
I was just in time for RTT this morning. I was feeling very nearvous and worried about it. i really can't afford to fail. i wasted too much time because of my laziness and mostly i can't wake up or late bad habit. which i'm trying hard to kick it away now. when i was in the train ,i was last min trying to study for the test.after i saw an empty seat, i sat down and began to day dream and think about what if i pass and what if i fail blah blah blah. The next moment i heard 'kembagan'. immediately, i check the mrt map ya i just missed a stop. shit. i was just on time if i didn't miss a stop. so i rush out of the station and took a cab down to cdc.cos i can't miss it the second time.if not i hafta wait for 2 fucking mths! i already waited before.i really hate the feeling of being stuck! i'm at prac5 becos of the rtt i can't proceed to prac 6.so,when i was on the cab, i keep looking at my watch almost every few secs and den look up eagerly hoping there is no red light. i reached there with relieve and den i started to do the test.i have quite a few qns that i have doubt and it makes me damn damn worried. after the last question and i click end test. WOW! pass! so high can. den i was the first few to leave the room and when i'm leaving, i can't explain how happy i am that i passed!! wooohoo! i call corny immediately and act fail. hahaha! and he was very dissappointed .. haha! yeah no more stuck! GO all the way!!! gogogo.....

[GYM]
i took bus to bugis to california fitness. when i on the bus, i was damn sian. no it's actually super duper damn no mood to work out at all. but i have to force myself to go. i feel really bored when i have to go gym alone. i went for the bodypump. my energy level is very lowwwww... so i use lighter weights as compared to usual. this is slack.. hahaha... while i'm inside i keep thinking whether i should go for the treadmill after bp cos i need to do cardiooo... oh when it FINALLY ended, my feet just walk me to the changing room. i can't control it! when i left the gym i feel very down and regret tt i didn't work out seriously. i procrastinate and give lots of excuses to myself. i tell myself on sun i'm meeting pencil and tomato for gym/ so, today's work out is sufficiant already. haha! i'm pro at excuses.

after that, i went to bugis junction to buy present for yen. i straight away know which shop to go and what to buy for her already. cos when i was bathing in the gym i think very hard until i bathe very long. but, sadly when i went to look for the shop it closed down! i wanted to get her a chipdale from there. it make me so lost and don't know what to buy. so i just get her a soft toy from action city and a card from hallmark. omg the card is so ex. i don't like to buy cards at all. i prefer handmade. cos i think it's more sincere and buying expensive cards it's not worth. but since i don't have the time to make so i have to buy.

[yen birthday celebration]
when i reached home i took a nap. it was so so so... dangerously for me to do that.
luckily, i woke up in time. den go to hwee ying house and gather. this is our first car outing. there were vin's, ivan's and andrew's car. we went orchard for swensen.
some of them went there to queue up first so when we arrived, we don't need to queue. i just like it when those ppl are queueing up and see us walk in at ease. hahaha! and i also like the 'youknowyouknow' waitress. i ask for 8 spoons she gave me 5,ask for warm water she gave us HOT- she still say careful it's hot.omg didn't we just say warmmmmm....? and lastly, ask for 10 plates she gave us 3!! so funny.
and there we go laughing and keep on 'youknowyouknow'....

after dinner, we went down to Yishun dam. we bought beer to drink. this afternoon gym is gone straight away after the food, icecream and beer!
seeing those bikes there is making me so jealous and envy.
hang out awhile and we went to irc at bukit timah to play pool. i really sucks at it.i reach hm at 4am. i feel so fat now. tmr must cancel msia trip and go to the gym.

happy birthday yen!

[River Regatta 2007]

i didn't sleep the whole night. made breakfast and meet pencil for the race.
i made her breakfast and she also bought a hotdog bun for me.
so we r draw!haha
when we were in the train i told her wad i did yesterday night so that she won't say i go out 'Giu hoon'. hahaha!
then i told her about my fren the super leg twister. we can't stop laughing. cos i told her that i saw him twist his legs again.
i'm lookinf forward for the third time. cos it really cheers me up as well as me fellow friends.lol

we reach there are we saw so many ppl. we get very nervous and abit regret of going for the race.
i call azman look for them. after i've found them i ask for the t-shirt and i pray hard it's not ugly. and i'm right it's ugly...
so i get the shirt and sadly walked to the temporary toilets to get change.when i get out of the toilets, i hope i'm invisible and no one could see me. i already have no motivation. plus the shirt i'm wearing give me low morale and felt even worse.
not long after my stoning, we have do stretching. (we didn't have any warm-up) . we get the sitting position and get down the boat and when the starting horn starts to blow , this was the first time i'm in the race. my first event, my first race. i saw a quite a few friends there and we say hi or do hand signs to each other.haha.
i feel that i'm not suitable for the team at all. i can't really blend with my team mates. in fact, after a few trainings still don't know each other well or talk to each other much. i love dragon boat. i love the team works and it requires great bonding. other than that, an effort and heart to train. i just need that. but this team can't give me any of that.i can say this is a Leisure team, if anyone wanna try out dragon boat but you have kids to take care of got work and can't really commit to it. you can join this team. this team is right for you.

Next event i'm in was a 20 mix. we have have no 20 we have 17 or 18? i dunno how fast will the boat move or will it even move? i got more angry and frustrated during my second event. i feel like a 200 pounds beauty when i wearing that light purple POLO tee, that SHOCKING pink life vest, and that paddles with YEllOW handle. omg i don't even know why i'm here!
i really have the strong urge to go off after the first event but i can't. they already short of so many ppl. i have a gd heart, normaly i dont. i stay for i pity them. we shouldn't even be here. Last min, call ppl and arrange sitting positions. not enough paddles, have to borrow from other teams.
i can't believe it! i feel like dying. this is my worst day ever. no, it's suppose to be the worst day in my life so far! it's that bad. trust me.
beside all the dissappointment, the anger, annoyed and saddness. at least, i had a great time with shui hui mocking on our team.
After the race, straight away i get my singlet from my sling bag and get rid of the aweful purple polo tee.FINALLY.
den we take train to bugis california gym to bathe. we sat at the locker area and still feeling sad about our team and continue talking and as we talk the sadness get more intense so we deicded to go to the steam room. we really need to get steamed up and let everything get steam away quickly.
after bathing, we head down to expo to meet small tomato aka xiao Li,
shu hui wants to go for service, so i need to accompany her.
when we were in the train to expo, i tell jokes to pencil and i was so shock that she laugh until she cry!
she said it's her first time like that. i was shock to see tears and wonder is her crying or laughing.
yea, i love to make her laugh and beg me to stop. cos i like to see her suffer in pain. muahaha...
when im in the church andd i am very sleepy and i can't stand it. when standing up i try to sleep. i cross my hand and fingers,bend my head and sleep. - so that ppl will tot i'm praying. hehehe
oh finally i get to sit down. i straight away sit and bend my head to sleep.
i tell myself just endure for few more hrs when i reach hm i can still till very late to take revenge! hahaha!
an hour later, THANK GOD eileen is hungry and she can't stand it need to eat.
i can get out of the place and eat something.
(my prayers came true) haha
after pencil came out we decided to go town for starbucks.
yeah. finally can clear my coffee cravings.
today, haven't sleep 1 day plus.
i walk like a zombie. react like a retard and talk without thinking.
and when i reach home,
i drop dead

[overnight before regatta]

i watch Heroes the whole night then talk to jason till 6 plus.
plan to go to sch but i decided to rest and close my eyes for 15 mins.
when i open my eyes it's alredy 12 noon and lesson jus end.
so i continue sleeping till 5 pm and meet up with jason and hariz.
from the time i leave my door step, walking, waiting for bus, in the bus jason keep calling every 10 mins.
i told him is he wanna spot check me. but i knw he can't wait to see me and tt is why.
hahaha! when i'm there. we took a long time deciding where to eat and wad to eat then finally i've decided to eat japanese food.
then took a lot time to look for seat and hopefully a smoking corner.
After dinner, we went to play pool and i keep losing. haha
and i keep laughing at jason esp when he is trying to put the ball inbetween 3 balls.LMAO
after pool we play daytona. cos jason say wanna challenge me and he keep saying how gd he is. but in the end he lost. lose to me. shame shame! haha.we walk back to amkhub to watch movie. they decided to watch UNREST. i told them NO. hell no. i don't watch horror movies. so we watch halloween. it's also a horror movie but at least this is not tt horror horror movie like unrest. and alot of shows i wanna watch which is not free listing so it's halloween.
when i was scared in the movie. they keep laughing and scary me. and i am quite gd in predicting which part will have scary and sudden shock. so i'm prepared. and i will shut my ears and the rest of the fingers will reach to my eyes and cover it.
den i will see thru the holes and some part can see some part can't see and some parts will have blury images.
i hate to watch horror movies cos i always cover myself and don't watch. why should i waste my money on it. i always regret when i wath it. so when i was in the cinema. i promise myself this will be the last horror movie i'll ever watch. no more horror movie ever again!
after the movie i saw xiu hui. wad a small world.. den decided to go to hariz house to play ps2.
play burnout and jason lose to me again.. hahaha.
we play till 5 am then hariz ride me home.
we were very very freezing cold on on the bike. we shiver all the way till aye den not so cold. we say west area not so cold. dunno if its true. when i reach home i can't sleep yet. i have to bathe and get prepared for the reggatta race 8am at singapore river. after everything i still left a bit time and it's very tempting for me to close my eyes to rest a while. but i knw if i do tt it's sure a gone case. so i try to make breakfast for pencil and myself. i cut, i slice, i fry to keep myself awake.